Not My Town

Mid-Minnesota nice, playground for the cities, Brainerd is the gateway to the lakes of central Minnesota. Behind the hustle and bustle of this growing city, the specter of FASD hides behind the community's ignorance, much like any other community in the nation. Oh, FASD happens on the reservation thirty miles away, that that is not our problem. Well, Brainerd, it is your problem.

A few examples of the hidden epidemic
A local businessman presented at the Brainerd Lakes Rotary meeting on an upcoming fundraising drive. Following the presentation, I visited with him about using some of the funds generated for FASD Awareness. To my surprise, he energetically engaged me in the conversation, seemingly relieved to talk to someone who understood FASD. His story did not surprise me. His was one I had heard several times from several different parents in the Brainerd Lakes area.

He and his wife adopted a son. Their dream of having a loving relationship dissolved into years of seeking help for the multitude of problems they were experiencing. Finally, after having to take their son to a professional over 3 1/2 hours away in North Dakota, they found the answer, an answer that gave them a name, but not a prescription to heal the symptoms. Their son was permanently brain damaged by the pre-natal exposure to alcohol by the birth mother. Within my small circle, this is the first of many examples of the hidden epidemic in Brainerd.

While I consulted with the National Indian School Board Association and tribal schools across Minnesota, I began building a house. One of the men I hired to work with me became a good friend. He and his wife had adopted two daughters as babies and raised them in a fine Christian home. They were deeply involved in their church and in the lives of their daughters. From the outside, an unknowing person would have no suspicion of the difficulties they were experiencing. These difficulties were driving them to doubt their abilities as parents.

One day, he came to me distressed with what had happened with his daughter. The story was so familiar with me. His daughter did not seem to comprehend what was right or wrong and she was in her early adolescent years. The incident he related to me happened at the church and was traumatic, embarrassing, and humiliating to her parents , and her reaction was one of shrugging her shoulders as if it did not mean anything to her. I asked him to show me a picture of her. When I started explaining what FASD was, he immediately identified the fact the biological mother drank alcohol when she was pregnant with both girls. I showed him the physical characteristics on the girl's faces. Both he and his wife started researching FASD on the websites I had shown them. They needed to know this was not a result of their parenting. They were feeling very guilty and depressed with the behaviors of both girls. Just knowing the root cause of her behaviors gave them something to grasp and try to understand.

Among the same circle of friends, another business owner came to me asking for advice. He had adopted two children birthed by his sister who had been drinking during her pregnancies. His adopted son was tantrumming and his behaviors were escalating. He was asking what to do, as he knew I worked with children with similar brain damage. He and his wife were struggling with their guilt about their parenting skills also. All I could really say is to keep high structure in his son's life, as that is strategy that will provide the most success.

For many years, I have watched a young girl grow into a teenager. Her parents were deeply involved with the community, spending an enormous amount of time with friends as they developed a hugely successful yearly event. Much of that time was spent selling beer to raise money and the parties after the fundraising events were beer soaked.

This young girl is a handful. Her parents participate in activities with their daughter and provide a structured household. She is talented, talkative, and has a short attention span. Sadly, her face shows physical characteristics of FASD. Another example.

When my daughter was in th 9th grade, I had the opportunity to speak to her Life Skills class. My daughter had told the teacher I knew about FASD and would be willing to talk to her class. The hour went well and I had time for questions. The girls were very interested and inquisitive. Then, out of the blue, one of the 9th grade girls said, "That's what's wrong with my brother!" She went on to explain that her mother and father divorced when her mother was pregnant with her brother. She could remember her mother going on a several month long drinking binge. The result was a brother with brain damage. She now knew, and the revelation was something she was struggling with. Another example of the hidden epidemic in Brainerd.

A seventeen year-old murderer with FASD and another murderer who committed suicide, two more examples of violent actions by FASD men in Brainerd. These are the ones I know. My belief is Brainerd has no idea how this epidemic is effecting them.

Each of these parents could write a chapter in my book. Each have different, yet similar experiences of ignorant professionals, inaccurate diagnosis, and children who defy the common perception of kids will be kids, and behaviors are the result of poor parenting. In my home town, I could not get the local newspaper to start asking the question.......if I can't make it happen in Brainerd, what chance do I have to make it happen across the country? Please help me pass this message!